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Volume VII - #6
U.S. Library of Congress ISSN : 1543-0332
From The Baum Group files
Life Law #8 : We teach people how to treat us
by Dr. Phillip C. McGraw
For the past week, we have received numerous requests for Dr. Phil's
Life Law #8 : We teach people how to treat us, that we are presenting
it here for your review and consideration.
Strategy : Own, rather than complain about, how people treat you. Learn
to renegotiate your relationships to have what you want.
You either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you don't.
This means you are partly responsible for the mistreatment that you get at the
hands of someone else. You shape others' behavior when you teach them
what they can get away with and what they cannot.
If the people in your life treat you in an undesirable way, figure out what
you are doing to reinforce, elicit or allow that treatment. Identify the
payoffs you may be giving someone in response to any negative behavior.
For example, when people are aggressive, bossy or controlling -- and
then get their way -- you have rewarded them for unacceptable behavior.
Because you are accountable, you can declare the relationship "reopened
for negotiation" at any time you choose, and for as long as you choose.
Even a pattern of relating that is 30 years old can be redefined. Before
you reopen the negotiation, you must commit to do so from a position of
strength and power, not fear and self-doubt. The resolve to be treated
with dignity and respect must be uncompromising.
The worst thing you could do is make a lot of noise about changing things,
only to revert to the old, familiar, destructive patterns. To talk about
change and not to do it is to teach that person to treat your statements
and declarations lightly. You will teach him or her to be patient, confident
that you will soon give in. Where your relationship standards are concerned,
commit to yourself that, although it may be difficult to effect change, you
must not compromise. To compromise in this area is to sell out your most
precious commodity : you.
(Source : Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters
by Phillip C. McGraw)
To receive 3 of Dr. Phil's explanation of the Life Laws and Strategies
click here and let us know which of the Ten Laws and Strategies you
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Report Archive Page by clicking the February 4, 2004 link.
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